Hey everyone! I created this blog to have a place to organize my thoughts. I think a lot...(sometimes TOO much)...and I express my thoughts & feelings best in written form. I absolutely LovE to write, and I use writing not only just for fun, but as a sort of escape. Poems, journal entries, random daily thoughts...no matter what form they come in, they are a wonderful release, and an even better way to showcase how I feel and who I am. I hope you all enjoy and possibly even relate to the things I'll be posting on this blog... =)

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

100 Things I Love About My Boyfriend

 So I saw in an issue of Cosmopolitan magazine that people were doing a "100 Things I Love About My Boyfriend/Husband List"....and that it SHOULD be easy to just keep naming things til' you hit 100... there shouldn't be any stops, hesitations... because when you're in a relationship that is real & solid, even the tiniest things get noticed. 

Well...I like writing, I like coming up with creative ideas, and I like my boyfriend.  So, I figured I'd give it a try... and in less than 20 minutes flat, I was already at the end of my list...I gave it to him to read, and despite the manly man he tries to be, his heart melted... <3


100 Things I Love About My Boyfriend... (in no particular order)

1.  How good you always smell.
2.  The fact that your favorite color is purple.
3.  Your smile
4.  The way you went about getting my number J
5.  How you keep the same grip on my hand whether we are alone or in public.
6.  How you tell me about myself.
7.  That you really randomly will sing “Tootsie Roll” to me and know that I’m going to finish it.
8.  Your dimples.
9.  How you open every door I walk through.
10.  How often you tell me that I’m the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen.
11.  How much you love your family.
12.  How much I love your family.
13.  Your honesty.
14.  The way you make me feel safe.
15.  All the nicknames you make up for me.
16.  How you never want me to say “goodbye”...only “see you later.”
17.  The fact that you watch the History Channel.
18.  The scar on the back of your head <3
19.  That you’re a good listener.
20.  That you call me out on my A.D.D. and make fun of me for it.
21.  How your laugh sounds more genuine than ever when I sneak attack you J
22.  Your beautiful heart.
23.  How silly you are, and how silly I am when I’m with you.
24.  How well you get along with my friends
25.  How you always tell me you miss me
26.  How you get annoyed at how sarcastic I am, but can’t help but laugh afterwards.
27.  That you like Sex & the City.
28.  That you are athletic.
29.  Your sexiness.
30.  How you make sure I’m always walking on the inside of the street and not the outside.
31.  How you get mad when I’m late, yet you’re always late.
32.  The way you love when I tell you when things are bugging me.
33.  Your goofy ass laugh.
34.  How you look perfect by my side.
35.  How when I’m not okay, you’re not okay.
36.  How funny you think I am.  J
37.  The way you wake up in the morning and the first thing you do is roll over and hug me.
38.  Your generosity.
39.  How fast you can make me feel better
40.  The way you surprise me with little things.
41.  Your lips
42.  Your kisses
43.  That the picture on your phone is you and I <3
44.  How you THINK you originated the concept of saying something and then adding, “In the ___ voice,” when in reality, you didn't.
45.  That you watched RENT with me.
46.  How you hold me tight when you kiss me
47.  Your encouragement.
48.  The way you tease me, even when it bugs the hell out of me.
49.  How you’re a loyal friend, my BEST friend, before anything else.
50.  How much you love old people
51.  The way you text me just to say hey and see how my day is going.
52.  That you DON’T snore.
53.  How confident you are in yourself, without being vain.
54.  How you aren’t judgmental.
55.  The way you look at me and when I say, “what?” you tell me “nothing,” but have a slick little smirk on your face…so I know you’re thinking something.
56.  That you enjoy your space and give me mine.
57.  That you’re a Red Sox fan.
58.  How you love it when I wear heels.
59.  The way you get so into your stories when you tell them.
60.  The fact that you find nothin funny in the fact that you use girl’s deodorant.
61.  How you always wear your sunglasses…except at dinner, because you know I like seeing your face when we talk J
62.  That you bought a pink fish for your fish tank because I wanted one.
63.  Your intelligence.
64.  That you are always there when I need you to be.
65.  That you have 238423 purple tees.
66.  How much you love your friends.
67.  How you’re passionate about the things you do.
68.  How you love to eat….even though the way you chew is gross.  J
69.  The way you look at me.
70.  How much you suck at thumb wars.
71.  How you accept my issue with odd numbers and help make sure everything is even, like locking my car doors twice J
72.  How good you are at everything you do.
73.  The fact that you’re as competitive as I am.
74.  How you tell me I’m 1 of the strongest people you know, and how you seem to notice how strong I am at the points where I'M feeling weakest...
75.  How you can have conversations with me about real, deep, powerful stuff….or random, pointless, silly stuff.
76.  The way you make me feel more beautiful than I’ve ever felt.
77.  Your voice.
78.  The way you dress.
79.  How you know and point out how good we look togetherJ
80.  How good your hand feels when it’s wrapped around mine.
81.  You’re open-mindedness (most of the time).
82.  Your sweet side.
83. Your not-so-sweet side.
84.  The way you can’t stand to see me cry, no matter what the reason is.
85.  The way you touch me.
86. Your logic (or lack thereof at times :) )
87.  How adorable you are when you iron your clothes.
88.  The fact that you love music so much, just like me.
89.  How you touch my hand or my leg while I’m driving.
90.  How your eyes squint when you smile too hard J
91.  How well you remember things.
92.  How intense your “I love you’s” are to me.
93.  The way your skin feels.
94.  When you tickle me just to see me smile, even though you know I hate it.
95.  The way you get your hair cut.
96.  The fact that out of everyone in the world, you want to be with me J
97.  How easily you turn me on.
98.  How I’m almost at number 100, and still feel like I could go on forever with this list…
99.  How you love me with the same intensity that I love you.
100. How you have no idea how much you truly affect me.

Monday, October 25, 2010

If Love Alone...

On May 27th, 2010...I lost my 28 year old brother to suicide.  He was one of my best friends, my bad and good influences, and my world.  When he left, things quickly came crashing down...learning to be without him is an entire lifestyle change, but I have had to slowly begin piecing it back together for the sake of my family & friends who are still here with and for me. 

I'd give up the world in a single heartbeat to be able to hear my brother's again...but unfortunately, I'll have to accept having him with me only mentally and spiritually instead...

RIP to the best brother that ever lived....Brian C. Girouard.  9*16*1981 to 5*27*2010.  I Love You <3


If love alone could have saved him,
he never would've died,
the day he made his heart bleed,
everyone else's hearts cried...
but let's rewind,
to the days that I wish so badly I could find,
the days of smiles and tears,
of cigarettes and beers,
every single one of our beautiful 23 years
that we had together...
all of that now-sacred time
seemed so normal,
that is, until he left me behind...
Now I see time and I breathe time,
there's no time to be blind.
I feel every hour,
every minute,
every short-lived second,
& I realize, each day
is simply a billion moments intertwined.
So don't lose ANY, not one,
keep your moments alligned,
cuz you'll need them,
memories...
in your heart, you gotta keep them confined.
That's life's design...
days come and go,
noone ever really knows...
he left me, but I hope he also left behind all his sorrows,
off to a place where he's smiling,
where there is always a tomorrow...
and with time,
the pain and confusion will all unwind,
and with time,
his memories will serve to remind...
of the father, and son,
and brother, and man that he was...
so many ways in which
he can be perfectly defined.
A soul so real and so kind,
will live on...
I know how the saying goes,
but out of sight,
does NOT always mean out of mind...
If love alone will keep him at peace,
then my big brother will always be fine

My amazing brother with my little sister, her baby, and I.
Miss you much B.  xoxo*

Silence Can TRULY Be Golden..

You know those people...and we ALL know those people...who talk so much yet say so little??  Sometime's it's wiser to just keep your mouth quiet and observe what's going on around you....you become so much more knowledgeable that way.  But there will always be people who talk and talk and talk, just to appear smart or wise...when in all reality, it's usually the ones who LISTEN more than they speak who know the most. 

So, incessant babblers...here is to you...!


Silence holds many words,
though few know how to find them,
so they talk far too much,
leaving wisdom behind them...
but I don't mind them,
nor do I waste valuable breath
even trying to remind them,
cuz the things I would say
are so bright, they would blind them.
Instead I listen, I pity,
and I wish I could rewind them...
and take all of their unspoken ignorances,
wrap them up,
and confine them.
The more one talks,
the less they hear,
that's why God gave us one mouth but two ears.
Confidence speaks for itself,
while babbling,
that only speaks for weakness and fear.
Empty words remain sheer,
so they're easy to see through...
the more speech spilling out,
the less chance it'll all be true.
Volume and quantity,
I apologize,
but quality will always beat you...
and observance and analysis
will quickly defeat you.
So before you let your lips part,
evaluate what you allow to seep through,
and when silence meets you,
let it greet you...
it's a window to knowledge,
so be brave enough,
to just shut up and peek through.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Do you believe in magic?

...and sometimes, it's a person or a mind that inspires someone to write... <3


A magician never reveals his tricks,
I’ve heard this before…
so I won’t ask how you did it,
enchanted me down to the core.
Sad or sick, inexplicably,
you’re an unparalleled cure.
3, 2, 1…I close my eyes,
and I’m hypnotized,
by your flawless allure,
I want more…
Pour your wonder down on me
til’ your spells are all that I can hear,
“abra-cadabra,”
you smile,
and my breath disappears…
with my fears,
and my tears,
and my next thousand years
could be yours…
if only I could get my feet back on the floor,
cuz gravity is no match for you,
your love has me flying,
and the strength of your heart
makes me soar,
through once locked and dead-bolted doors…
so unsure,
yet so sure,
that this fight’s a beautiful war.
You’ve got me in a sweet trance,
you have powers to control and deceive,
a million wondrous tricks up your sleeves,
yet be it cursed or naïve,
I believe.
Like a child, wide-eyed,
I can’t figure out how you do it,
give me goosebumps, a rush,
like there ain’t nothing to it…
I met you,
I liked you,
then before my mind knew it,
the wall around my heart cracked,
and your love flooded through it…
left me dazed and confused,
but screw it…
of any magic I’ve seen,
baby yours is the truest…*

Hungry

I wrote this months ago.  I've always been a reader, writer, school-nerd if you will.... and learning is a passion in my eyes.  You can never know too much.  And the feeling you get when you can answer questions others can't, or you receive answers that you are dying to receive....is a feeling of empowerment.  It feels good.  So don't hesitate to ask questions, dig for answers, or share what you know with others...


Hunger pangs strike quite frequent,
although food is an ineffective treatment.
Knowledge,
It’s power.
More than dinner, I need it.
A question provokes an answer, so when I ask one,
my brain is aching to receive it.
Be it scientific theories, religious histories, or mere trivial simplicities,
enlightenment satiates,
so indulge,
because it is a beautiful taste to waste.
To be gluttonous for intelligence seems not so sinful…
One can learn through books,
or one can learn accidental.
Fuck credentials.
Embrace and don’t decay your potential.
I devour education daily,
through all aspects of my beautiful life.
My wins and my losses, my undeniable strength,
my schooling, my family,
through grief-stricken strife.
That’s life.
I live and I learn…
from my wrongs and your rights,
from insight,
from innate goodness, and from cold-hearted spite..
from each single one of life’s red and green lights…
Knowledge streams from all things,
so from all things I bite.
Take that, appetite.
Yet still the hunger to know things puts up an unsatisfied fight…
When my mind digests, it craves more,
and I keep it open to receive it.
Intellect and wisdom give you the world and let you perceive it.
The way you want, the way you feel,
they are like nourishment,
like all things needed…
Brain energy and stimulation,
I need it.
So when learning finds you, snatch it up
open your mind, and feed it.
When hunger roars, let knowledge appease it.
I am no genius,
but I know enough to know,
that I don’t know that much…
Well-fed yet starving I remain,
believe it.